Saffron’s Stories: Month Six

You celebrated your half birthday earlier this week, and while I can’t remember exactly what we did that day, I’m sure it consisted of napping, eating and trying to persuade you that not everything fits in your mouth. I thought for this month’s post I’d relate exactly what a day encompasses for us, since it appears you are destined to spend your entire first year in my constant company. Also I thought it might be nice for those idiotic people who don’t seem to understand what mothers actually do all day.

7:20 am- I awake to Owen’s face inches from my own telling me to get up, my body folded into the loveseat in your room and you lazily latched to my nipple. I’ve been here since 2 or 3 in the morning, when you awake me for your midnight feeding and then I passed out exhausted while nursing you.
7:20-7:30 am- I give you a few kisses and snuggles and then deposit you directly into your exersaucer in the kitchen while I bustle around getting Owen his breakfast, doing dishes and making tea for myself that I almost always forget to drink and leave to grow cold on the counter.
7:30-7:45 am- I make beds, open blinds and generally tidy up in the bedrooms then follow Owen around to ensure that he washes his face, brushes his teeth and combs his hair because apparently telling him to do so five times in a row does not mean it will happen.
7:45-7:55 am- I brush my teeth, slather on deodorant and throw on clothes as quickly as possible. Usually by this point I can hear your sounds of distress beginning from the kitchen as you begin to believe that you have been abandoned to the strange woman that lives in the exersaucer and is constantly shouting to you that the cat is orange.
7:55am-8:00 am- I snatch you up before the fat crocodile tears roll down your chubby cheeks and whisk you to your room where I change your diaper and dress you, all the while shouting to Owen to feed the dogs, take car of his breakfast dishes and put an ice pack in his lunchbox. Eery silence pervades.
8:00 am-8:05 am- I find Owen wandering around, distracted by God knows what and end up feeding the dogs, taking care of breakfast dishes and packing his lunchbox into his backpack myself. You sit quietly in your car seat in the laundry room, mouthing my wallet and keys while I shut my eyes and pray you don’t get cancer.
8:05am-8:30am- I drive as fast as possible without endangering myself and everyone else to Owen’s school, crossing two sets of railroad tracks, three school zones, three rotaries, and 14 traffic lights. You and Owen happily coo and yell at each other in the back seat, usually singing nonsense words to the tune of some Black Keys song that we’re playing. We manage to slip out of the car and into the lobby of the school just in time to miss the dragon lady who hands out the late slips to poor petrified children.
8:30am-8:40am- I hold you in my arms while we help Owen get settled. He usually needs to be reminded at least three times to put his lunchbox away and get his name tag before he finally gives up ignoring us so we’ll just leave him alone. We both sigh with relief as we get back into the car. You cry when I buckle you back into the device of torture, your car seat.
8:40-9:00am- Our ride home is usually quiet, with you babbling to yourself and then drifting off to sleep somewhere between the last school zone and Riverdale road. When we arrive home I leave you in the car to avoid being held hostage by those big blue eyes.
9:00am-9:15 am- You lay in the car in the garage snoozing while I warm up my cold cup of tea, change into pajamas and toast a bagel. I pop my head out into the garage every few minutes to listen for your cries while munching breakfast and letting the dogs out back.
9:15am-10:00am- You have been abandoned in a dark car! You are in a panic until I throw open the door and remind you that I am still alive and there are things worth eating. I bundle you downstairs along with my tea and phone and you nurse contentedly while I check my emails and catch up on news, Facebook and games on my phone. You drift in and out but awake the moment you are deposited in your crib, like the princess and the pea.
10:00am-10:30am- Breakfast is served. I strap you into your highchair with just a diaper on and you delight in mouthing and throwing toys, nibbling on your teething biscuits and drowning yourself in a sippy cup of water. I patiently feed you spoonfuls of pureed pearsauce and yogurt when your mouth is not otherwise occupied with your biscuit, toys, or fist.
10:30am-11:15am- You receive a diaper change and I change into my walking gear. We grab a dog and the stroller and hit the pavement. Some mornings your drift off peacefully. Others you fret and fuss until I turn the damn stroller back and give up. There is no predicting what kind of morning it will be until we begin. Your opinion- “Strollers are useless. Why don’t you just hold me?”
11:15 am-11:45am- My attempts to fit a shower in usually involve dragging your exersaucer or jumparoo into the master bedroom and placing you in front of the full length mirror within sight of the shower. You get more and more distressed as the glass fogs and you lose sight of me beyond the glass. By the time I emerge, you’ve begun to panic and I’m usually forced the dry my hair in fits and starts, blowing some in your face and then directing it back at my own head repeatedly until you’ve forgotten what you were upset about.
11:45am-12:30pm- Time to eat again! I take you down to the warm, quiet, cool depths of your room and nurse you again, where you typically drift off the sleep, this time for good. I usually read a book on my iphone until it’s safe to deposit you in your crib and tiptoe out.
12:30pm-1:30 pm- Hopefully, you nap. I have a never ending list of things that can not be performed one handed that I use this time to accomplish,including cleaning the house, car, telephone calls and a million other everyday things that must be attended to by someone.
1:30pm-2:00pm- Lunch! Breakfast repeated- toys, teething biscuit, sippy cup, pearsauce, yogurt and sometimes a vegetable thrown in for good measure to make sure you still know how to grimace and spit.
2:00pm-2:15pm- Nursing again, usually performed quickly and without dozing. Often involved having to ask you repeatedly to stop pinching me with your razor sharp fingernails. When you are bored, you arch your back and throw yourself out of my arms, fussing and crying until I sit you up and talk to you like a real person.
2:15pm-2:30pm- Diaper change and getting dressed again for us both. I bundle you back out to the car and typically, you are a good sport about going along unless you’ve extended your nap and I’ve had to wake you to leave. Then dressing and getting you into your seat is like wrestling a crocodile who wants to take you down to the bottom of the pond for a death roll in the sand.
2:30pm-3:00 pm- Repeat- crossing two sets of railroad tracks, three school zones, three rotaries, and 14 traffic lights. In addition to this fun we get to compete for parking spaces in the school lot, which is always overflowing in the afternoon. You typically stay awake until we reach school or nod off right before we turn in and then awake when I bustle you out of the car. We go in to get your brother so he doesn’t have to be engulfed in the screaming, kicking tide of children that pushes and tramples everything living in their path on the way out the door at 3pm. When you see Owen you usually lean out of my arms and put both hands on either side of his face and attempt to bring him close enough to rub up against your cheeks. This is your universal sign for love.
3:00pm-3:30pm- I chat with Owen about his day while he does his best to ignore me and focuses on playing with you, babbling and making silly noises at you until we arrive at home.
3:30pm-4:15pm- I get Owen snack and set him up with his homework, then go back downstairs to nurse you. Occasionally you’ll drift off, but most of the time it’s only for ten or twenty minutes.
4:15pm-5:00pm- I hold you while I help Owen finish his homework and begin prepping dinner, gathering ingredients and measuring out items. If chopping is required, I’ll deposit you in your exersaucer for awhile until you protest. Normally this is when I would have used a hands free carrier with Owen, but since you rebel at the idea of being held back by straps or conveyances of any sort, I’ve learned to do my best at the one armed mambo.
5:00pm-5:30pm- Dinner! Breakfast and lunch repeated by with a vegetable and occasionally cereal thrown in. I often begin cooking dinner while I begin the process of tediously feeding you. Cleaning you up at the end is often the worse part since you rebel at the idea of any cloth touching your face or neck, so I often lower you in your highchair and let the dogs tongue bathe you until you protest.
5:30pm-5:45pm- I nurse you again, in your room usually while talking on the phone to Dad and to the accompaniment of shrieks of outrage and temper tanturm cries from Owen in the den as he loses to Mario.
5:45pm-6:15pm- I prepare and serve dinner with you precariously balanced on my hip. Dad usually arrives home sometime within this half hour and Owen is often downstairs, embroiled in Wii MarioKart battles. You are usually good natured during this time as long as you are held.
6:15pm-6:30pm- We eat dinner downstairs in front of the TV most evenings and I deposit you on your play mat and let you practice your barrel rolls while I eat. You tug on your toys and lift yourself up into wild, impossible positions.
6:30pm-7:00pm- If you’ll let me, I try to sneak upstairs while you are occupied on your play mat and do dinner dishes, prepare dessert and make lunches and coffee for the morning. Over the cacophony of AxMen or Mythbusters, I can hear your escalating cries and come to your rescue before complete meltdown occurs.
7:00pm-7:30pm Bathtime. You splash happily in your baby bath while mouthing your plastic whale. After washing your sticky body and trying to scrub the crumbs out of your neck, I let you play while I lay out Owen’s pjs, toothbrush, books and night lite for bed. Then I scoop you up, dry you off while you shiver and scold me and hurry you into a footed pajama sleeper before you become completely outraged. I read 2 or 3 books to you on the changing table as you become more and more vocal and then hurry to sing a few songs before you have a complete break down.
7:30pm-8:15pm- Nursing again. Usually you drift off but wake up when deposited in bed, especially if you had a nap that day.
8:15pm- 8:45pm- We help Owen into bed, then read a chapter from the Laura Ingalls Wilder books to him. You sit in my lap for much of this time, mouthing Owen’s glowing night lite that Dad says you only love because it looks like a breast. Occasionally your fidgeting and protests get too loud for Owen and I to talk over and then I pace about the room and read with you on my shoulder.
8:45pm-10:00pm- I make Dad and I tea with you in my arms, then deposit you under your play gym or in your jumperroo downstairs. We get in about half an hour before your cries get too loud and then I settle you on my lap where you squirm and play.
10:00pm-10:45pm Nursing again and this time, you always drift off, usually until about 2 or 3 in the morning when we begin again.

That’s our day in a nutshell. Long, exhausting (at least for me). Rinse and repeat. I’d love it if you’d learn to sit this month or maybe be less obstinate. I think that latter one might be a lifetime pursuit for us both.

Saffy Daffy

Saffy Daffy

Saffron’s Stories: Month Five

Saffy Eats

So you might have noticed this post is terribly late and I have a really good excuse. In the past month we got an offer on the house we’ve lived in since Owen was born and spent the past few weeks packing all our belongings, cleaning and moving across town to a rental. It makes me sad in some ways that you won’t remember our old house because it was our first and we stressed and slaved over it, grew accustomed to it’s perplexing oddities and quirks. But nearly two years ago we decided we were going to have one more baby and then move away from the air base traffic pattern swirling over our head and the friendly but overbearing crowds of the suburbs. And here we are, nestled against the mountains in a home so quiet and large that I can’t hear anything over the echo of my own footsteps. We won’t be here long but it’s the second step in a plan that has taken us many months to execute.

That being said, despite the chaos and the overwhelming amount of changes, you’ve had the audacity to just keep growing. This past month you’ve grown so tall that I had to bump you up to nine months and one year clothing to avoid making it look like you were constantly wearing capris. We began to feed you solids and although you did manage to grow another chin and one small roll of thigh fat, most of growth has been in height. Your hair has begun to gather and curl and now you have two adorable little locks of curly, auburn hair that seems to be rapidly darkening across your forehead. Although your eyes had seemed to be shifting colors last month, they’ve remained mostly blue and still enormous except when you smile and they crinkle dramatically at the corners.

Your adventures with solid food have been predictable, but distinctly different than Owen’s. Owen adored all cereal and any other form of carbohydrates. You love pears, apples, bananas and pretty much any fruit we’ve consented to give you so far and although you’ve tolerated grains, you don’t seem to have Owen’s affinity for them. Most of the vegetables we’ve tried have been quickly pushed back out of your mouth with a shuddering grimace. If I persist in trying to feed you something you find unpalatable, you’ll cry at me until I give up. Your favorite refusal tactic is to turn your head as far as you can crane to the side and look up, refusing to even give me access to your little mouth in protest. You continue to love to drink though and we’ve abandoned sippy cups, which you don’t seem to understand require sucking, and moved right to regular cups. You end up drenched but much more satisfied with yourself.

You began this past month with an obsession with motorboating and farting noises. Your big brother was certain this made you the coolest sister on the planet. It wasn’t as if you occasionally made these noises. For almost a week, this was the soundtrack of your life and a constant background noise. It’s very difficult to hold a polite and serious conversation with anyone at all when the baby you are holding is making farting sounds. After a little while, you moved into high pitched, decibel shattering shrieking for a few days, followed by a week or more of fake coughing. Yes, I’m serious. For about a week or maybe two, you were constantly fake coughing. You seemed to find it wildly amusing and when anyone would mimic the sound back to you, you’d crack up into a big grin. I’ve been joking around that I gave birth to a sound effect machine instead of a baby but really, I’m beginning to wonder what will be next. Mooing? Snorting? Fake Sneezing? I guess anything is possible.

There were several nights when you practically slept all night, by yourself in your crib. It was a relief frankly to know you could do it. Our move and your recently illness have disrupted the pattern but I’m eager to get back to it. Because I really, really miss my bed. And the rest of my life really, whatever that might consist of. You’re still nursing every two to three hours and eating three squares a day with solid food so between sleeping and eating, you’re kind of a full time job. And although you will play in your exersaucer or your play mat for 20 minutes to a half hour at a time, you still require holding a majority of your waking hours to ensure happiness. I’ve given up fighting and realized you won’t want me to hold you forever and even though you might weigh fifteen pounds now and cause my entire right arm to go numb for hours at a time, it’s probably worth it. Because someday you’ll be Owen’s size and I’ll barely be able to lift you up without groaning and you’ll be embarrassed when I kiss you in public. That day is inevitable- it comes for us all. I might as well put it off for as long as I can.

Saffron’s Stories: Month Four

In the beginning, when you were just days old and seemed a sleepy, sweet bundle of baby, I think I had no idea of what was to come. As each month has progressed and you’ve become more and more aware of the world around you, your personality has emerged. At four months old you are a bundle of vocal hijinks, with a insatiable need to mouth anything within reach. With a fiery temper when aroused, you are also quickly soothed by being held. Your peccadilloes are specific and non negotiable but when satisfied, you are predictable and easily managed. Growing right on schedule, you topped the charts at the 65% percentile for height, 25% for weight and 50% for head size this morning at your four month checkup.

The milestones you’ve blown past this month are nothing short of astonishing. You’ve mastered head control and have moved directly into subtle manipulation with no stops. When someone interests you, either across the room or perhaps the cashier when we are shopping, you’ll lean out from my arms, cock your head to the side and hold them hostage with those enormous steely blue eyes. When they notice your overtures and you’re sure you have their attention, you flash them your amazingly frank, gummy smile. Instantly, the world is at your feet. Your soft babbles and coos have changed to shrieks of delight and soaring, insistent cries and when satisfied, perhaps after having been picked up, you’ll scoot and wiggle your butt while making grunts and short shrieks of approval. Your eyes, formerly big pools of opalescent blue, have begun to gather gold and green spots and seem destined to turn brown like your brother’s.

Perhaps the most drastic advancement this month has been your stubborn insistence that you are ready to eat and drink. It began at the sink, when I was helping myself to a glass of water and you leaned forward and reached for it with both hands. You do this often with objects you’d like to bring to your mouth to explore, so I tipped to glass towards you, thinking you’d do little more than spill it all over your shirt. You put your lips to the edge and began taking swallows, sputtering and gulping like a thirsty drunk. Now, you are insulted if someone is drinking in your presence without offering you a sip and you often express your outrage at this injustice with petulant cries. Just a few days after you began drinking from a cup, you started grabbing spoons out of my hands and attempting to feed yourself my lunch. I was shocked when you not only grabbed my utensil, but then put it to the bowl and then to your mouth. To ease your frustration, I began letting you mouth food (dried mango slices, crackers) simply to help you participate in the meal. It seems that whatever is occurring, you simply want to be part of it and work hard to convince me you’re capable.

You’ve demonstrated the typical tricks of a baby your age- rolling tummy to back and back to tummy like a little barrel. After depositing you under your play gym on the floor, I often return to find you rolled out from under it and halfway across the floor. I think you manage this trick by using the hanging toys as leverage, but it’s still impressive. When deposited on your stomach, you’re usually so mad about it that you’ll not only lift your upper body but also try to get up on your hands and knees. You’re not successful just yet, but since this precedes crawling, I’m terrified. You’ve been able to lock your knees and hold your own weight, practically standing independently, for some time but you haven’t yet caught onto putting one foot in front of the other.

Although born with quite a bit of hair, you’ve continued to grow your locks at a pretty good rate and now you have a curly, crazy thatch of very fine, soft reddish brown hair that pokes out at all angles from your head and generally makes you look sweet and disheveled. I’ve realized after dragging out baby pictures of myself that not only is this hair exactly like mine as a baby (although you do have more of it), but you also seem to have my nose, eyes and smile. I noticed some things with Owen when he was born that were similar but you’re more of a carbon copy of me, in temperament as well I think.

The other day, while dancing you around the room to a Frank Sinatra song as part of our pre bedtime ritual, I came to the sudden realization that I enjoy your company. It seems strange to say it quite that way, but I think because you refuse to be placed in a carrier and protest when left too long to your own devices, I have you constantly tucked into your favorite spot on my shoulder and we do everything together. This has made me the master of the one handed shopping trip, but it’s also made me realize how content you are simply to be there, at my side. I watch other babies, moving from carrier, to swing, to crib, to car seat and wonder if they ever spend the majority of their time in someone’s company like we do. We share most of our waking and sleeping hours, arm in arm. There’s a kind of solidarity in that, a deeper understanding I don’t remember having with Owen. It reminds me of something my Mom used to say to me when I was little- “It’s me and you against the world.”

Hello World!

Baby Gear and Gadgets you DON’T need: A Top Ten List

I’m constantly seeing lists of items every new mommy needs and when I peruse the online marketplace or the aisles of stores stocking baby paraphernalia, I’m tempted to think the manufacturer’s of such products are attempting to take advantage of the innocent naivete of newbie parents. So I thought I’d mock up my own list, a sort of guide in reverse. Here’s the top ten shiny, appealing baby products that seem essential until you have a baby and realize they’re not.

1: A changing table: I’m not suggesting you don’t need an area in which to change diapers. All I’m pointing out is that it’s silly to buy a whole separate piece of furniture to perform this function. Changing pads are cheap and I’d suggest buying a whole bunch of changing pad covers since babies have a knack for peeing exactly the moment you remove their diaper. Mount the pad to the dresser top or other hip height piece of furniture. By the time that kid can walk in a year, you’ll be changing diapers on the go regardless of whether or not you’d like to.

2: A diaper bag: Again, I’m not suggesting you don’t need a bag to cram full of extra changes of clothes, diapers, wipes, toys, hand sanitizer and ziploc bags. I’m simply suggesting that buying a diaper bag is a waste of money when you probably have several bags laying around the house that would perform this function quite well and cost much less. I’ve found a great satchel or messenger bag with lots of little pockets works well or a giant hobo style bag as the kiddo gets older. Simply purchase a folding changing pad that fits into the bag and be sure to use something that your significant other won’t mind carrying around. Women buy fancy, cutesy diaper bags all the time and then realize that since they’re usually holding the baby, the men get stuck holding the bag.

3: Wipes and bottle warmers: Ever wear a diaper for several hours? Probably not since infancy so it’s natural that you’ve forgotten what it feels like. If you’ve been wearing a warm, moist diaper around for a bit, why wouldn’t a cool breath of air and a refreshing wipe feel great? Wipe warmers are not just baby luxuries, they’re absolutely nonsense. And although I exclusively breastfeed, I imagine the same goes for bottle warmers. It’s simple- run it under hot water until it’s room temperature. All those babies drinking out of boobs at room temperature can’t be wrong.

4: Pack and Plays: I know I’m treading on sacred ground here because it’s on so many must have lists, but I don’t get it. It’s a piece of pricey gear that combines three functions but does none of them well. It’s too bulky and heavy to reasonably be a travel crib, the changing area is tiny and unstable and if it’s just going to serve it’s purpose as a playpen, that’s a damn expensive playpen. I’d rather let my kid play on the floor and baby proof the house properly. A little dog hair never hurt anyone.

5: A million receiving blankets: Once you have a baby shower, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Everyone gives you a ton of these little blanket squares and assures you you’ll need plenty of them. Here’s the problem- they’re too small to be used to swaddle infants properly and too thin to be a proper blanket. I prefer to invest and get just 2 or 3 expensive but large organic cotton blankets that are lightweight and easy to use, like Aden & Anais (www.adenandanais.com/).

6: Baby food maker: Chances are you already have a more powerful version of one of these. It’s called a food processor. If you don’t, please don’t buy one of these. Invest instead in a real food processor that has the motor and the versatility to handle not just baby food but chopping vegetables and other cooking tasks. I can not fathom who buys these but let me assure you there is nothing mysterious about baby food. To make your own simply take what you are having for dinner, put it in the food processor and hit the button.

7: Bouncers, walkers, entertainers and jumpers: Just pick one! Your baby does not need to be offered a full variety of types of motion and chances are these large, bulky toys will just clutter up a corner of your living space in every room until the baby is too heavy or too old to use them. I do recommend buying a free standing or countertop swing with a strong motor and several speeds. I’ve found very little use for bouncers and most walkers and jumpers are unsafe or at the very least disconcerting. We have a used exersaucer that allows baby to swivel and play with several different types of toys while standing in a supported seat in addition to a play gym with a mat. Instead of seeking to entertain and distract your baby, try getting on the floor and playing with them or investing in a very comfortable carrier and taking them along. They’ll be much happier and learn more in your company than anywhere else.

8: A crib mobile: Would you like your baby to sleep in their own bed? Then stop putting things in the crib to distract and entertain them! Infants can’t focus or see many of the mobiles or play centers strapped onto the side of the crib until they are older and older babies may use them to engage in stimulation rather than sleep. I opt for a few simple and random objects that match the decor of the nursery, suspended from fishing wire to hooks in the ceiling or a chandelier above the crib. Once the little one is old enough to reach these objects, I remove them and suspend them over another area where we might need a distraction, like the changing pad.

9: A million rattles and toys: Again, you’ll get your weight in rattles and soft toys at your baby shower or from well meaning friends and relatives. Your baby will play with very few if any before they are off to more exciting prospects, like the pots and pans in your cupboard. I suggest just one or two versatile soft toys or rattles, preferable ones that can be attached and suspended from anywhere- car seat, play gym, crib. I also like to look for one rattle that has lots of gripping surface and a simple design with bright, attractive colors. Toys that talk, wind up or flash are usually scary to infants until they are older and once they have mobility, they’d rather play with things that challenge them like blocks, stacking toys and shape sorters.

10: A baby bath: Similar to the changing pad, it seems silly to buy something to perform just one function that will no longer be necessary after six months. When Owen was baby, I opted instead to take baths with him, climbing in and holding him in the water. This was a time saver for me since I got clean as well and promoted bath as a bonding experience. When he got older we simply moved onto showers together to save time and hassle. With our second baby, we ended up having to invest in one because she would fling her arms out and panic in the water and needed more support to feel comfortable but this is unusual from what I’ve seen. Most babies will be delighted to have you join them and you’ll benefit form the extra space saved in the bathroom.

It’s likely there are five or six other items I’d run across that would make this list, but these are the major culprits of the confusion I’ve seen newbie parents succumb to when faced with a plethora of baby gear. At some point down the road, I’ll probably compile a list of my top ten can’t live without baby items but for now, we’re enjoying the minimalist approach.

Saffron’s Stories: Month Three

Saffycakes

It’ll sound like a bit of a cliche when I say this, but it’s amazing what a month can bring. Yesterday marked your three month birthday and your emergence from infanthood into babiness. These are probably not technical terms, but they do describe your development. You’ve gone from watching the world to learning how to interact with it. As we speak, you are in your bedroom on the floor, playing under a canopy of toys and babbling incessantly to your twinkling star. I can hear your little hands reaching for the rattling bells of your toys as you bat them with a tiny fist.You’ve begun to reach out and try to grasp things and bring them to you and it seems like a metaphor for this stage in your existence as you reach out to bring the world in for closer inspection.

Your father and I are speculating that you’ll talk early because you seems to concentrate so much on patterns of speech and mimicking them, kicking your legs and wiggling your little butt joyfully as you try to push the syllables out past your lips. We swear you’ve been able to to say “Hi” consistently when prompted to return the sound and we’ve spend many minutes dangling over the edge of your crib or changing table, saying the single word over and over again and grinning foolishly ear to ear as you repeat it. You seemed to have full head control as well a bit earlier than the average baby, perhaps because you started with such a tiny specimen of noggin. You scan the world easily from wherever you are perched, turning side to side and searching for familiar noises and faces just beyond the reach of your vision. Your ability to grasp objects when assisted has developed with each passing day and just yesterday, as I was reading you a book on your changing table, I watched in fascination as you reached out your baby hand and tried to turn the page.

You were sick again this month, right on schedule. This time around the illness was less ferocious and amounted to nothing more than some snot and grumpiness that stretched the span of a few days. Your sleeping patterns however have not improved much and while I occasionally spend a three or four hour stretch in my own bed, I still spend the majority of the night camped out on your sofa. The advantage to this is that when cuddled and fed often, you will happily sleep until 10 in the morning or beyond if allowed. Our days together consist of rounds of nursing followed by short bouts of napping and play but no consistent naps. Your ability to nurse quickly has improved along with your appetite and I’ve had to switch you to nursing off both breasts, where you seem confused after emptying one in 10 minutes flat and rub your little face against me in frustration until I switch you to the other side or remove you from nursing and engage you in play.

In the past few weeks we’ve begun to venture out again, taking you to a restaurant for Owen’s birthday, a friend’s house for dinner and to a school concert. You behaved predictably, content when being fed or cuddled and able to sleep amidst unparallelled noise and chaos. This is not to say I would categorize you as a good tempered baby however. In fact, although you are easy to placate and predictable in the pattern of your wants and needs, you have a swift little temper. Dad and I have learned that once pushed over the edge by some interaction, noise, or denial you snap. Your cry changes, your face bursts into red like an angry tomato and you are impossible to console until you fall asleep, refusing breast or cuddling until yo0u are exhausted by your anger. Then you awake sunny and hungry and life returns again to normal. We wonder if this is a foreshadowing of things to come, of epic toddler tantrums and mammoth contests of wills.

You continue to stretch tall and thin, a small baby at least in weight. Your hair has surprisingly turned an nearly orange in the sunlight. This is reminiscent of my own baby pictures, which I had assumed were colored strangely due to old age and the strange tints of the 70′s. Now I’m not so sure because it looks surprisingly like the color you seem to be developing on your head, locks of whisper fine, wavy orange hair. I hope you have not inherited other things from me, like my manic need to organize and my aversion to social niceties of any kind. I guess only time will tell.

Letters to the O: Five Years

Owen's World

Just yesterday, you lost the first of your baby teeth. You called me from school, where the office secretary had pulled it out, and I congratulated you. When you arrived home and I saw that tiny tooth, so miniscule in your mouth, I was amazed. How did you get so big? This little tooth that once poked its way through your gums seems to belong to another child, a baby that has long ago grown up.

This year, more than any other, brought a storm of milestones for you. At the beginning of the year, things were a little rough. Although I had just quit my job to stay at home with you and focus on our family, I’d unexpectedly had emergency surgery for a life threatening incident the day after Christmas and was still recovering. We spent our days together working on improving your academics and every morning we had “school,” a session of science, music, math, reading and writing lessons that focused on preparing you for kindergarten and beyond.

As spring arrived and the world thawed, we shared with you that we were expecting a baby sister to arrive in the fall. You were extraordinarily proud, although I’m certain at first it didn’t seem real. In April we took a real family vacation to Playa Del Carmen in Mexico, where you played at the beach and swam in the ocean for the first time. It was a week filled with excursions and we tried to imprint the memories of our family as a trio before life with a baby turned it all the chaos.

We put our house up for sale, hoping for a quick sell in order to move before you started school. Meanwhile, your summer was filled with outdoor activities. We took a break from school and you spent most of the summer either at the pool learning to swim or on your bike with Dad, doing miles and miles worth of local trails on the weekend. I made lots of homemade ice cream and we took the chance to spend the summer soaking up sun or going on weekend excursions to water parks, camping and a thousand and one other things we knew we wouldn’t get another chance to do.

As the fall approached, we had you tested at a charter school that I had scouted out for you to attend. Thanks to all that extra work in the spring and early summer, you tested off the charts at a 2.5 grade level in math and a 3.6 grade level in reading. Since your birthday is in January and you’re fairly emotionally mature, we decided to go ahead and let you decide whether or not you’d like to attend first grade or kindergarten. You opted for first grade naturally and began a full day of school in mid August. The school was twenty minutes away and I had to drive you back and forth, which took up a considerable amount of time since we had to drive through five school zones, three rotaries, cross railroad tracks twice and go through no less than 8 or 10 traffic lights.

In the beginning, although you were nervous, we were well prepared and I think you loved school. Your teacher, Mrs. Fitzgerald, looked exactly like Zoey Deschanel and won your loyalty. After a few months the bloom wore off the rose. You were sick often and began to dread spending the day away from home. You had accidents at school, which we curbed by providing positive reinforcement and incentives. The transition was bumpy and you settled in well, performing at a superior level academically and making lots of friends, but exhibiting high energy and anxiety at home. Right in the midst of this, your sister was born.

Saffron came into our lives on October 30th, the day before Halloween, just around the corner from our house at Ogden Regional Hospital. She was six days early and born in the middle of the night. You stayed and watched the birth, although you dozed along with your father through much of the labor. We offered to let you cut the cord but you declined, worried perhaps that you might do it wrong. You were the first person to hold her. Since then you’ve been in a rush to always be at Saffron’s side, cooing and soothing her and she smiles often at your antics.

Shortly after she was born, I feel like Dad became your parent. Saffron was often sick and nursed slowly, so I spent most of my day and all of my nights on the couch in her bedroom. You learned to do your homework from there and even to talk to me via text on our phones when you came home from school. Being quiet now that a baby is in the house has been a difficult adjustment for you. We’re still working on it. But we’ve tried to often have Daddy-Owen or Mommmy-Owen dates- at least once a month to ensure you get time alone with us and don’t feel neglected.

You began having night terrors several times a week this winter. These episodes are frightening, mostly because you are not awake or aware that we are there, despite the fact that you are usually screaming with eyes wide open. We’ve learned all we can do is hold you and keep you from hurting yourself while you thrash around until eventually you fall back asleep. Getting plenty of rest and calm time before bed seems to help lessen the incidences and you never remember them in the morning.

Your sixth birthday was highly anticipated, mainly because most of your peers turned six long ago. We had a special day filled with treats and surprises. The school scheduled a field trip on your birthday and you got to enjoy a movie with your friends. Later during the weekend we had a party at a local arcade and you played mini golf. There was cake, ice cream, presents and tantrums- everything you need to make a birthday party complete. Your two best friends were in attendance- Ashlun and PJ. Ashlun is from your old school and attends kindergarten and you hadn’t seen him in several months. It became obvious after a few minutes that the gap in maturity level had widened and that this friendship had probably ended back in preschool.

Looking ahead to your next year I expect the changes to be no less drastic. We hope to move and with that will come a new school, a new home and other challenges. Your sister will learn to walk and talk. And you’ll continue to grow, losing a mouthful of teeth and becoming a second grader. I only hope that this next year can bring us closer instead of further apart and that you’ll always know no matter what we do or what our family looks like, that you are loved beyond measure.

Savvy Savings: A Top Ten List

Alright. I’ll admit it-I’m a sucker for a bargain. And over the last decade, as we’ve struggled with adding dogs, kids, and a home as complications to our life, the skill of penny pinching has been invaluable. Below are my top ten tips and cardinal rules for saving a buck in several major categories like clothing, groceries, toys and baby gear.

1: DON’T BUY IT JUST BECAUSE IT’S ON SALE
I’ve seen SO many people drawn in by what appears to be a great bargain. They purchase something they’ll never use and it sits in a corner, collecting dust. Take my word for it people- this is how hoarders are born. Unless you’d like to become a cautionary tale on reality TV, always have a list or at the very least an idea of what you need before you go shopping or bargain hunting. An example- don’t just go out shopping for “work clothes.” Inventory your closet, decide what you really wear or could make better use out of, what should be donated or thrown out and what you really need. Then go out to the stores armed with an itemized list of what you need and how many. You’ll be less likely to get sucked into the sales rack and buy that really cute sweater only to realize when you get home that it looks exactly like three other sweaters you own.

2: INVEST IN MULTI TASKERS
This applies in SO many areas, but specifically to kitchen tools, baby gear, and clothing. Think about what you absolutely need to purchase and what you might be able to utilize that you already have or find a creative, recycled solution. A great example is a changing table. I have no idea why these exist, but every new mother gets convinced she needs one. Bullshit. If your dresser is a low one, use that and strap a changing pad onto it- a $20 solution. Baby food makers? I’m sorry, but that appears to be a mini food processor or blender and I already own both of those items and they function quite well, thank you. My husband and I are currently fighting about buying a rice maker. He insists he’d eat more brown rice if he had a more foolproof way to make it. I’m opposed because the rice maker does not save time or money and I have a great rice maker in our cupboard- it’s called a pot with a lid.

3: BUY USED
I could count on one hand how many clothing items I’ve bought “new” this year and last year. I’m converted completely to consignment and used items for my own and my kid’s clothing and gear. There is plenty of waste and excess in the universe- why propagate more? I have a fool proof method and it begins with planning and preparation. Think ahead to the next season- what will you and your kids need. Again, take an inventory and decide if he’s really going to fit into those snow boots next year or not. Then begin with garage sales. They are the cheapest way to get a large volume of clothing items and gear for kids and babies. Don’t waste your time though- selectively go through the ads online and only hit sales that promise the items you’re looking for. You’ll hit plenty of unadvertised sales on the way. Know the better neighborhoods in your area where you might get the items you want. After you’ve exhausted the garage sale route for a few weekends, head out to consignment shops next. I start with thrift stores because they are generally less expensive but usually end up having to buy essential items from consignment stores with more reliable inventory. My last resort is to hit retail stores and I focus on buying local if I can. For my own wardrobe I try to buy just a few pieces each season that are unique from higher end boutiques to spice up my the style of my consignment wardrobe.

4: UTILIZE TECHNOLOGY
No need to scan circulars and comparison shop. If you have a smartphone, the answer is in the palm of your hand! We are avid Amazon shoppers and I highly recommend a Prime membership. Not only is the shipping a real lifesaver in time sensitive situations like Christmas and birthdays, but Amazon has millions of items at a significant savings from your local retail chain stores with no sales tax and free shipping. Health and beauty items are a great example for our family. We buy significant amounts of natural or organic products and when it comes to items like toothpaste, deodorant, and shampoo, that can get expensive. I check our local health food and other stores for items that we need in the near future. Then I pull up my Amazon or Target app, scan the bar code and compare prices. 9 times out of ten, I can get it way cheaper (we’re talking 3 or 4 dollars less) on Amazon if I buy it in bulk (3 or more of an item). This is also a great strategy for items like supplements and vitamins and even food items that you use a lot of like oatmeal or tea.

5: SOCIAL NETWORKING IS YOUR FRIEND
You’re constantly being hounded to “like” things on Facebook. Don’t always cave in, but be aware that following certain retailers that you buy from frequently can really pay off. You’ll get a heads up on sales and often get special discount codes to use in their online storefronts. And please get on board with popular sites like Groupon and Living Social. If you buy only what you’ll actually use or need, these sites can offer significant savings on local restaurants, outings and events for the whole family and local retailers. There’s also another group of sites popping up like Zulu, that offer daily deals from retailers focused in a certain area, like designer clothing or kids wear. Subscribe to just a few that you think will feature items you’d be likely to buy elsewhere. I’ve gotten huge savings of 50% or more on winter coats from Timberlane, Melissa and Doug toys and shoes from sites like these. But as with anything, read the fine print and do cost comparison before purchasing. No need to rush to buy something from one of these sites that you can get from Amazon for the same price.

6: COUPONS, COUPONS, COUPONS
I am not a crazy coupon clipper and I don’t waste my time pawing through every last piece of junk mail searching for deals. I do advocate couponing though in a few areas like name brand groceries where it can make a significant difference. If you shop frequently at the same grocery store, sign up for their online emails and coupons. We have a few brands that we use faithfully like Farmland bacon or Brown Cow yogurt, but they cost quite a bit in comparison to other products in the same category. I go right to the product website and sign up for monthly deals there and get coupons on a regular basis that can save me as much as $40 off our grocery bill monthly. When we plan to do something fun in the local area, I check out their website and often find discount coupons I can print out that save us a bundle on admission prices.

7: BUY QUALITY
There’s no point in pinching pennies on an item if you’ll just have to replace it in a year. This is especially pertinent when shopping for kitchen or baby gear. Do your research. I recommend when you’re going through a big life event like purchasing a home for the first time or having a baby that you sign up for Consumer Reports. You’ll find trusted advice on the best buys for big ticket items like appliances, strollers and car seats. The subscription will cost you a small amount each month so maximize your use in the first few months and then cancel it. I also frequently check Amazon reviews before purchasing something in store like toys or shoes to ensure we aren’t wasting our money on a lemon.

8: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SEASONAL SALES
Buying off season is one of the oldest bargain shopping mandates in the book but it’s a keeper. I don’t waste my energy rushing out after Christmas and elbowing other angry shoppers to buy all the gifts I’ll need for next year, but I do pick up a good bargain on standard birthday gift items or seasonal wear and stow it away in our basement until it’s needed. If you are going to need to replace or purchase a big ticket item soon like an appliance or home furnishings, check online to see when you might be able to snag the best deals. Many sites will give recommendations on when stores will push to offload old items to bring in new stock.

9: KEEP A WISH LIST
Ever open a present and think- what on earth is this and how will I ever find an excuse to use it? Yeah, me too. Or find members of your family buying expensive and impulsive last minute gifts that aren’t really what you need or want. Keep a wish list online for each family member- I recommend Amazon which will allow you to compile items from other websites as well into a universal list. That way when Grandma has no idea what your six year old wants for Christmas, you can just forward the link and feel assured your kiddo will get something age appropriate and useful.

10: TRACK YOUR EXPENSES
It’s necessary to keep track of where you are splurging so you know when you need to cut back and how to do so effectively. Although I don’t handle the finances in our family, I’m still shocked by how many people don’t keep their receipts or track their credit card use in anyway. Like many households, we use a computer program called Quicken and do monthly balancing with our bank statements to ensure we know where your money is going. It produces graphs and charts that let us see trends over time and develop plans to cut expenses in advance so if we need to be frugal, we can be sure to be effective instead of frustrated. It’s been especially effective in helping us eat at home more often and spending less on luxury items.

Lastly, I’d recommend becoming a member of a warehouse club like Costco, even if you don’t have a large family. Costco has started to carry many items you can stock up on in abundance including organic foods and personal care products. We save a bundle on items we can freeze like steak, fish and chicken as well as hormone free diary products and eggs. We buy all of our paper products here like paper towels, toilet paper, ziploc bags and more. I’ve gotten amazing bargains on boxed sets of books and toys when Christmas rolls around as long as I’ve committed to shopping early for a good selection. And when it comes to diapers, if you’re willing to buy their generic brand and use monthly coupons to stock up, Costco is the cheapest way to go and the savings are well below Amazon subscribe and save rates and diapers.com. Happy hunting!

Memoirs on Mommihood: Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun… Two is Better Than One

Remember that old jingle from the cheesy Doublemint commercial? You know the one, with the twins riding bikes or playing catch in the park, their teeth dazzlingly white and their blonde hair rolling off their shoulders like liquid sunshine. Two is better than one the slogan assured us. And if you believe that applies to parenting, I’d like to question your sanity and suggest you might be a big fat liar.

In the months leading up to Saffron’s birth, everyone suggested that this endeavor we were embarking on would be… how did they put it? I think they said things like “fun” or “exciting.” Many implied it would be such a gift for Owen to become a big brother and that having another member of our family was just more joy to go around, as if having two multiplied our love. And now that we’re three months into this, I can unequivocally say that this is not a multiplication problem. It is a question of division. I can also say that I think those people were smoking crack. Lots of it.

It’s hard to remember exactly what life was like before Saffron, but I’m certain I didn’t appreciate how easy I had it. And somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew I’d feel this way. Torn between my old life and this strange new world of babyhood, where I sleep half the night and nurse most of the day folded onto a four and a half foot love seat while the world goes on around me. Divided is my time and attention, available only in fragments of my former self. The only thing that seems to have multiplied is laundry and the nagging pressure of guilt at all the moments and opportunities that slip through my hands every day.

I know this is temporary, this problem of division within our lives. That someday soon this baby will need me less so I can be more for all the other people who are patiently awaiting my return to normal life. But the reality of that seems so distant that I try not to consider it at all. It feels too much like false hope. Last night as I was making my way to the stairs with a dozing baby in my arms and Owen ahead of me on his way to bed, he stopped and moved aside to let me pass. “I’ll let you go up first, Mom. You have Saffron and she’s more important than me.” I stopped immediately, looked into his face and assured him that this was not true. “She needs me more right now but that doesn’t make her more important than you,” I explained. He seemed to understand but I know that in the grand scheme of things, actions speak louder than words.

Saffron’s Stories: Month Two

This past month completed your awakening and you emerged into the world fully engaged. You coo, giggle, laugh and grin, especially when you first wake up. You stare up with big saucer blue eyes from the depths of your crib and then I watch your face melt into joy when your gaze latches on something familiar. You’ve even begun to babble a bit, mimicking the sounds of speech when encouraged and kicking your feet wildly.

Sadly though you were sick again this month, with a low grade fever and a nasty, persistent cold. I caught it as well and we sniffled, hacked and coughed up mucus together for the two weeks leading up to Christmas. Directly after the holidays you received your first round of immunizations and terrified me with inconsolable crying and a refusal to nurse for several long hours. A dose of ibuprofen to treat the swelling in your poor little puffy red thighs seemed to do wonders though. After 24 hours of unusually frequent napping, you returned to us hungry and jolly.

All of this continued interruption meant I remained imbedded in the couch in your room , cuddling you frequently and feeding you often. Your favorite place to drift off to sleep became my right shoulder , your butt scooted out and your downy little head snuggled into the crook of my neck. This has presented serious problems since not every activity can be done one handed and since you wake immediately when deposited into your bed, like the infamous princess and the pea. The advantage though has been that I feel like the baby whisperer, able to calm and quite you with a touch. You have made it clear though that the touch must be complete and au natural- you’ll accept no carriers or other people as substitutes and you can not be fooled.

You still love to sit in your crib, wriggling and grinning at Grandma through the webcam and staring at your twinkling Christmas lights. How, however, we’ve introduced you to your play gym and lay happily on the floor, laughing manically at the light up star’s goofy face. You’ve also begun to follow the mobile on your swing in it’s rhythmic modulations, enthralled and unable to stop moving your head in an effort to trace’s it’s path across your field of vision.

In unfortunate developments, you’ve suddenly decided you hate taking a bath, throwing out your hands to the side wildly each time I get in with you and doing an excellent imitation of a panicked downing. I gave up and bought a baby bath so you can sit comfortably and feel supported and that seems to have helped. Now you sit in the warm water, sucking your first and staring calmly at me until I finish torturing you.

There are a thousand little quirks that I wish I would always remember about your babyhood, like the ferocity of your yawns. Perhaps my favorite this month is when I am holding you and we descend stairs. You pulse your little fists against me in time with the descent down each step, , sucking in your breath, as if you are terrified I’ll drop you and your are attempting to hang on. I’ve tried to assure you I’ve got a firm grip and have never been known to fumble a baby in my entire life, but you remain unconvinced.

At your 2 month check up, the doctor informed us that your head has suddenly boomed, going straight from the 25% to the 75% percentile in a matter of two weeks. That’s some serious brain development. Your weight still hovers just below ten pounds but you’re growing quickly in the opposite direction, stretching out of all your footed pajamas with a height in the 75% percentile. A tall baby girl with piercingly big blue eyes, curly tea brown hair with glimmers of red and a penchant for foot rubs. That’s our girl!

Christmas Giggles

Saffron’s Stories: Month One

Saffron's Favorite Spot

Has it really only been one month since your arrival? It seems that you’ve been here for much longer than that, disrupting my sleep and reeking havoc on our lives. I’m relieved that you are finally healthy and each day you awaken a little more to the world around you.

We’ve begun to try to stretch the intervals between your feedings if only to gain some normalcy in our lives. This has been a point of contention for you and you’ve been vocal in your protests, living you to your “Mrs. Waaaahhh!” nickname.

You’re enthralled with your room and the Christmas lights running around the ceiling continue to be a source of wonderment and calm. You’ll crane your neck and wiggle your head to search the ceiling for their twinkling and lay contented on your changing table or in your crib , staring at their soft, yellow glow.

This past weekend I took Owen out for a mommy date so we could both remember what life without your presence felt like and you stayed home with Daddy for the afternoon. This did not go so well. You’ve begun to be quite attached to my presence and refused to take a bottle. This does not bode well for future outings.

I’ve spent weeks camped out on the tiny loveseat in your room, which is unfortunately not as comfortable as it first appears to be. Dozing fitfully with you on my chest, we’ve done our best to keep the contents of your stomach from resurfacing. You’ve continued to gain weight and we’ve been given permission to officially stop worrying but now we have another problem. An unfortunate side effect has become your inability to sleep long stretches (or any stretches!) in your bed and your conviction that sleep can only be attained when attached to a boob. We’re working on that.

Just yesterday, while watching you drift in and out of sleep,I saw you give an enormous grin and then coo and laugh delightedly. It was so adorable that even in my exhausted state I felt lucky to be holding you, staring into your face in the middle of the night.