A VERITABLE ARSENAL OF VICES
I recently engaged in the much anticipated and celebratory weaning of the breast. This carefully and strategically planned event was a great success and left me free to take up with all my old vices- caffeine, wine, women and song. I was even able able to begin popping pills again and my cabinet full of supplements has been called into action.
So I was surprised to find that taking up all my old, bad habits was not as satisfying as I had anticipated. My first days of coffee left me light headed, with an acidic stomach and a case of the jitters that resembled a mild case of Parkinson's. George and I knocked off a bottle of wine together one night and while I felt pleasantly warm and fuzzy, it didn't compensate for the annoyance I felt with my sluggish reactions or my marathon headache that stretched on and on for the next three days. I eagerly filled up my pill box with a rainbow assortment of antidotes for varicose veins and vision problems, but it took me nearly three weeks to empty it because I continuously forgot to actually swallow them despite the fact that they sat out on the counter in the bathroom and stared me in the face every time I peed.
I find myself feeling miserably elderly. At that tragic age when being bad is just too much of a bother. There is, however, a certain satisfaction in knowing that I own my vices and not the other way around. That any day I could choose to dump them all overboard and go back to drinking herbal tea and offering to save drunk college women from themselves. Because seriously- I'm just too old for this crap.
Posted by Kaz at March 11, 2007 9:25 AM