1: A changing table: I’m not suggesting you don’t need an area in which to change diapers. All I’m pointing out is that it’s silly to buy a whole separate piece of furniture to perform this function. Changing pads are cheap and I’d suggest buying a whole bunch of changing pad covers since babies have a knack for peeing exactly the moment you remove their diaper. Mount the pad to the dresser top or other hip height piece of furniture. By the time that kid can walk in a year, you’ll be changing diapers on the go regardless of whether or not you’d like to.

2: A diaper bag: Again, I’m not suggesting you don’t need a bag to cram full of extra changes of clothes, diapers, wipes, toys, hand sanitizer and ziploc bags. I’m simply suggesting that buying a diaper bag is a waste of money when you probably have several bags laying around the house that would perform this function quite well and cost much less. I’ve found a great satchel or messenger bag with lots of little pockets works well or a giant hobo style bag as the kiddo gets older. Simply purchase a folding changing pad that fits into the bag and be sure to use something that your significant other won’t mind carrying around. Women buy fancy, cutesy diaper bags all the time and then realize that since they’re usually holding the baby, the men get stuck holding the bag.

3: Wipes and bottle warmers: Ever wear a diaper for several hours? Probably not since infancy so it’s natural that you’ve forgotten what it feels like. If you’ve been wearing a warm, moist diaper around for a bit, why wouldn’t a cool breath of air and a refreshing wipe feel great? Wipe warmers are not just baby luxuries, they’re absolutely nonsense. And although I exclusively breastfeed, I imagine the same goes for bottle warmers. It’s simple- run it under hot water until it’s room temperature. All those babies drinking out of boobs at room temperature can’t be wrong.

4: Pack and Plays: I know I’m treading on sacred ground here because it’s on so many must have lists, but I don’t get it. It’s a piece of pricey gear that combines three functions but does none of them well. It’s too bulky and heavy to reasonably be a travel crib, the changing area is tiny and unstable and if it’s just going to serve it’s purpose as a playpen, that’s a damn expensive playpen. I’d rather let my kid play on the floor and baby proof the house properly. A little dog hair never hurt anyone.

5: A million receiving blankets: Once you have a baby shower, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Everyone gives you a ton of these little blanket squares and assures you you’ll need plenty of them. Here’s the problem- they’re too small to be used to swaddle infants properly and too thin to be a proper blanket. I prefer to invest and get just 2 or 3 expensive but large organic cotton blankets that are lightweight and easy to use, like Aden & Anais (www.adenandanais.com/).

6: Baby food maker: Chances are you already have a more powerful version of one of these. It’s called a food processor. If you don’t, please don’t buy one of these. Invest instead in a real food processor that has the motor and the versatility to handle not just baby food but chopping vegetables and other cooking tasks. I can not fathom who buys these but let me assure you there is nothing mysterious about baby food. To make your own simply take what you are having for dinner, put it in the food processor and hit the button.

7: Bouncers, walkers, entertainers and jumpers: Just pick one! Your baby does not need to be offered a full variety of types of motion and chances are these large, bulky toys will just clutter up a corner of your living space in every room until the baby is too heavy or too old to use them. I do recommend buying a free standing or countertop swing with a strong motor and several speeds. I’ve found very little use for bouncers and most walkers and jumpers are unsafe or at the very least disconcerting. We have a used exersaucer that allows baby to swivel and play with several different types of toys while standing in a supported seat in addition to a play gym with a mat. Instead of seeking to entertain and distract your baby, try getting on the floor and playing with them or investing in a very comfortable carrier and taking them along. They’ll be much happier and learn more in your company than anywhere else.

8: A crib mobile: Would you like your baby to sleep in their own bed? Then stop putting things in the crib to distract and entertain them! Infants can’t focus or see many of the mobiles or play centers strapped onto the side of the crib until they are older and older babies may use them to engage in stimulation rather than sleep. I opt for a few simple and random objects that match the decor of the nursery, suspended from fishing wire to hooks in the ceiling or a chandelier above the crib. Once the little one is old enough to reach these objects, I remove them and suspend them over another area where we might need a distraction, like the changing pad.

9: A million rattles and toys: Again, you’ll get your weight in rattles and soft toys at your baby shower or from well meaning friends and relatives. Your baby will play with very few if any before they are off to more exciting prospects, like the pots and pans in your cupboard. I suggest just one or two versatile soft toys or rattles, preferable ones that can be attached and suspended from anywhere- car seat, play gym, crib. I also like to look for one rattle that has lots of gripping surface and a simple design with bright, attractive colors. Toys that talk, wind up or flash are usually scary to infants until they are older and once they have mobility, they’d rather play with things that challenge them like blocks, stacking toys and shape sorters.

10: A baby bath: Similar to the changing pad, it seems silly to buy something to perform just one function that will no longer be necessary after six months. When Owen was baby, I opted instead to take baths with him, climbing in and holding him in the water. This was a time saver for me since I got clean as well and promoted bath as a bonding experience. When he got older we simply moved onto showers together to save time and hassle. With our second baby, we ended up having to invest in one because she would fling her arms out and panic in the water and needed more support to feel comfortable but this is unusual from what I’ve seen. Most babies will be delighted to have you join them and you’ll benefit form the extra space saved in the bathroom.

It’s likely there are five or six other items I’d run across that would make this list, but these are the major culprits of the confusion I’ve seen newbie parents succumb to when faced with a plethora of baby gear. At some point down the road, I’ll probably compile a list of my top ten can’t live without baby items but for now, we’re enjoying the minimalist approach.

Saffycakes

Your father and I are speculating that you’ll talk early because you seems to concentrate so much on patterns of speech and mimicking them, kicking your legs and wiggling your little butt joyfully as you try to push the syllables out past your lips. We swear you’ve been able to to say “Hi” consistently when prompted to return the sound and we’ve spend many minutes dangling over the edge of your crib or changing table, saying the single word over and over again and grinning foolishly ear to ear as you repeat it. You seemed to have full head control as well a bit earlier than the average baby, perhaps because you started with such a tiny specimen of noggin. You scan the world easily from wherever you are perched, turning side to side and searching for familiar noises and faces just beyond the reach of your vision. Your ability to grasp objects when assisted has developed with each passing day and just yesterday, as I was reading you a book on your changing table, I watched in fascination as you reached out your baby hand and tried to turn the page.

You were sick again this month, right on schedule. This time around the illness was less ferocious and amounted to nothing more than some snot and grumpiness that stretched the span of a few days. Your sleeping patterns however have not improved much and while I occasionally spend a three or four hour stretch in my own bed, I still spend the majority of the night camped out on your sofa. The advantage to this is that when cuddled and fed often, you will happily sleep until 10 in the morning or beyond if allowed. Our days together consist of rounds of nursing followed by short bouts of napping and play but no consistent naps. Your ability to nurse quickly has improved along with your appetite and I’ve had to switch you to nursing off both breasts, where you seem confused after emptying one in 10 minutes flat and rub your little face against me in frustration until I switch you to the other side or remove you from nursing and engage you in play.

In the past few weeks we’ve begun to venture out again, taking you to a restaurant for Owen’s birthday, a friend’s house for dinner and to a school concert. You behaved predictably, content when being fed or cuddled and able to sleep amidst unparallelled noise and chaos. This is not to say I would categorize you as a good tempered baby however. In fact, although you are easy to placate and predictable in the pattern of your wants and needs, you have a swift little temper. Dad and I have learned that once pushed over the edge by some interaction, noise, or denial you snap. Your cry changes, your face bursts into red like an angry tomato and you are impossible to console until you fall asleep, refusing breast or cuddling until yo0u are exhausted by your anger. Then you awake sunny and hungry and life returns again to normal. We wonder if this is a foreshadowing of things to come, of epic toddler tantrums and mammoth contests of wills.

You continue to stretch tall and thin, a small baby at least in weight. Your hair has surprisingly turned an nearly orange in the sunlight. This is reminiscent of my own baby pictures, which I had assumed were colored strangely due to old age and the strange tints of the 70′s. Now I’m not so sure because it looks surprisingly like the color you seem to be developing on your head, locks of whisper fine, wavy orange hair. I hope you have not inherited other things from me, like my manic need to organize and my aversion to social niceties of any kind. I guess only time will tell.

Owen's World

This year, more than any other, brought a storm of milestones for you. At the beginning of the year, things were a little rough. Although I had just quit my job to stay at home with you and focus on our family, I’d unexpectedly had emergency surgery for a life threatening incident the day after Christmas and was still recovering. We spent our days together working on improving your academics and every morning we had “school,” a session of science, music, math, reading and writing lessons that focused on preparing you for kindergarten and beyond.

As spring arrived and the world thawed, we shared with you that we were expecting a baby sister to arrive in the fall. You were extraordinarily proud, although I’m certain at first it didn’t seem real. In April we took a real family vacation to Playa Del Carmen in Mexico, where you played at the beach and swam in the ocean for the first time. It was a week filled with excursions and we tried to imprint the memories of our family as a trio before life with a baby turned it all the chaos.

We put our house up for sale, hoping for a quick sell in order to move before you started school. Meanwhile, your summer was filled with outdoor activities. We took a break from school and you spent most of the summer either at the pool learning to swim or on your bike with Dad, doing miles and miles worth of local trails on the weekend. I made lots of homemade ice cream and we took the chance to spend the summer soaking up sun or going on weekend excursions to water parks, camping and a thousand and one other things we knew we wouldn’t get another chance to do.

As the fall approached, we had you tested at a charter school that I had scouted out for you to attend. Thanks to all that extra work in the spring and early summer, you tested off the charts at a 2.5 grade level in math and a 3.6 grade level in reading. Since your birthday is in January and you’re fairly emotionally mature, we decided to go ahead and let you decide whether or not you’d like to attend first grade or kindergarten. You opted for first grade naturally and began a full day of school in mid August. The school was twenty minutes away and I had to drive you back and forth, which took up a considerable amount of time since we had to drive through five school zones, three rotaries, cross railroad tracks twice and go through no less than 8 or 10 traffic lights.

In the beginning, although you were nervous, we were well prepared and I think you loved school. Your teacher, Mrs. Fitzgerald, looked exactly like Zoey Deschanel and won your loyalty. After a few months the bloom wore off the rose. You were sick often and began to dread spending the day away from home. You had accidents at school, which we curbed by providing positive reinforcement and incentives. The transition was bumpy and you settled in well, performing at a superior level academically and making lots of friends, but exhibiting high energy and anxiety at home. Right in the midst of this, your sister was born.

Saffron came into our lives on October 30th, the day before Halloween, just around the corner from our house at Ogden Regional Hospital. She was six days early and born in the middle of the night. You stayed and watched the birth, although you dozed along with your father through much of the labor. We offered to let you cut the cord but you declined, worried perhaps that you might do it wrong. You were the first person to hold her. Since then you’ve been in a rush to always be at Saffron’s side, cooing and soothing her and she smiles often at your antics.

Shortly after she was born, I feel like Dad became your parent. Saffron was often sick and nursed slowly, so I spent most of my day and all of my nights on the couch in her bedroom. You learned to do your homework from there and even to talk to me via text on our phones when you came home from school. Being quiet now that a baby is in the house has been a difficult adjustment for you. We’re still working on it. But we’ve tried to often have Daddy-Owen or Mommmy-Owen dates- at least once a month to ensure you get time alone with us and don’t feel neglected.

You began having night terrors several times a week this winter. These episodes are frightening, mostly because you are not awake or aware that we are there, despite the fact that you are usually screaming with eyes wide open. We’ve learned all we can do is hold you and keep you from hurting yourself while you thrash around until eventually you fall back asleep. Getting plenty of rest and calm time before bed seems to help lessen the incidences and you never remember them in the morning.

Your sixth birthday was highly anticipated, mainly because most of your peers turned six long ago. We had a special day filled with treats and surprises. The school scheduled a field trip on your birthday and you got to enjoy a movie with your friends. Later during the weekend we had a party at a local arcade and you played mini golf. There was cake, ice cream, presents and tantrums- everything you need to make a birthday party complete. Your two best friends were in attendance- Ashlun and PJ. Ashlun is from your old school and attends kindergarten and you hadn’t seen him in several months. It became obvious after a few minutes that the gap in maturity level had widened and that this friendship had probably ended back in preschool.

Looking ahead to your next year I expect the changes to be no less drastic. We hope to move and with that will come a new school, a new home and other challenges. Your sister will learn to walk and talk. And you’ll continue to grow, losing a mouthful of teeth and becoming a second grader. I only hope that this next year can bring us closer instead of further apart and that you’ll always know no matter what we do or what our family looks like, that you are loved beyond measure.

1: DON’T BUY IT JUST BECAUSE IT’S ON SALE
I’ve seen SO many people drawn in by what appears to be a great bargain. They purchase something they’ll never use and it sits in a corner, collecting dust. Take my word for it people- this is how hoarders are born. Unless you’d like to become a cautionary tale on reality TV, always have a list or at the very least an idea of what you need before you go shopping or bargain hunting. An example- don’t just go out shopping for “work clothes.” Inventory your closet, decide what you really wear or could make better use out of, what should be donated or thrown out and what you really need. Then go out to the stores armed with an itemized list of what you need and how many. You’ll be less likely to get sucked into the sales rack and buy that really cute sweater only to realize when you get home that it looks exactly like three other sweaters you own.

2: INVEST IN MULTI TASKERS
This applies in SO many areas, but specifically to kitchen tools, baby gear, and clothing. Think about what you absolutely need to purchase and what you might be able to utilize that you already have or find a creative, recycled solution. A great example is a changing table. I have no idea why these exist, but every new mother gets convinced she needs one. Bullshit. If your dresser is a low one, use that and strap a changing pad onto it- a $20 solution. Baby food makers? I’m sorry, but that appears to be a mini food processor or blender and I already own both of those items and they function quite well, thank you. My husband and I are currently fighting about buying a rice maker. He insists he’d eat more brown rice if he had a more foolproof way to make it. I’m opposed because the rice maker does not save time or money and I have a great rice maker in our cupboard- it’s called a pot with a lid.

3: BUY USED
I could count on one hand how many clothing items I’ve bought “new” this year and last year. I’m converted completely to consignment and used items for my own and my kid’s clothing and gear. There is plenty of waste and excess in the universe- why propagate more? I have a fool proof method and it begins with planning and preparation. Think ahead to the next season- what will you and your kids need. Again, take an inventory and decide if he’s really going to fit into those snow boots next year or not. Then begin with garage sales. They are the cheapest way to get a large volume of clothing items and gear for kids and babies. Don’t waste your time though- selectively go through the ads online and only hit sales that promise the items you’re looking for. You’ll hit plenty of unadvertised sales on the way. Know the better neighborhoods in your area where you might get the items you want. After you’ve exhausted the garage sale route for a few weekends, head out to consignment shops next. I start with thrift stores because they are generally less expensive but usually end up having to buy essential items from consignment stores with more reliable inventory. My last resort is to hit retail stores and I focus on buying local if I can. For my own wardrobe I try to buy just a few pieces each season that are unique from higher end boutiques to spice up my the style of my consignment wardrobe.

4: UTILIZE TECHNOLOGY
No need to scan circulars and comparison shop. If you have a smartphone, the answer is in the palm of your hand! We are avid Amazon shoppers and I highly recommend a Prime membership. Not only is the shipping a real lifesaver in time sensitive situations like Christmas and birthdays, but Amazon has millions of items at a significant savings from your local retail chain stores with no sales tax and free shipping. Health and beauty items are a great example for our family. We buy significant amounts of natural or organic products and when it comes to items like toothpaste, deodorant, and shampoo, that can get expensive. I check our local health food and other stores for items that we need in the near future. Then I pull up my Amazon or Target app, scan the bar code and compare prices. 9 times out of ten, I can get it way cheaper (we’re talking 3 or 4 dollars less) on Amazon if I buy it in bulk (3 or more of an item). This is also a great strategy for items like supplements and vitamins and even food items that you use a lot of like oatmeal or tea.

5: SOCIAL NETWORKING IS YOUR FRIEND
You’re constantly being hounded to “like” things on Facebook. Don’t always cave in, but be aware that following certain retailers that you buy from frequently can really pay off. You’ll get a heads up on sales and often get special discount codes to use in their online storefronts. And please get on board with popular sites like Groupon and Living Social. If you buy only what you’ll actually use or need, these sites can offer significant savings on local restaurants, outings and events for the whole family and local retailers. There’s also another group of sites popping up like Zulu, that offer daily deals from retailers focused in a certain area, like designer clothing or kids wear. Subscribe to just a few that you think will feature items you’d be likely to buy elsewhere. I’ve gotten huge savings of 50% or more on winter coats from Timberlane, Melissa and Doug toys and shoes from sites like these. But as with anything, read the fine print and do cost comparison before purchasing. No need to rush to buy something from one of these sites that you can get from Amazon for the same price.

6: COUPONS, COUPONS, COUPONS
I am not a crazy coupon clipper and I don’t waste my time pawing through every last piece of junk mail searching for deals. I do advocate couponing though in a few areas like name brand groceries where it can make a significant difference. If you shop frequently at the same grocery store, sign up for their online emails and coupons. We have a few brands that we use faithfully like Farmland bacon or Brown Cow yogurt, but they cost quite a bit in comparison to other products in the same category. I go right to the product website and sign up for monthly deals there and get coupons on a regular basis that can save me as much as $40 off our grocery bill monthly. When we plan to do something fun in the local area, I check out their website and often find discount coupons I can print out that save us a bundle on admission prices.

7: BUY QUALITY
There’s no point in pinching pennies on an item if you’ll just have to replace it in a year. This is especially pertinent when shopping for kitchen or baby gear. Do your research. I recommend when you’re going through a big life event like purchasing a home for the first time or having a baby that you sign up for Consumer Reports. You’ll find trusted advice on the best buys for big ticket items like appliances, strollers and car seats. The subscription will cost you a small amount each month so maximize your use in the first few months and then cancel it. I also frequently check Amazon reviews before purchasing something in store like toys or shoes to ensure we aren’t wasting our money on a lemon.

8: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SEASONAL SALES
Buying off season is one of the oldest bargain shopping mandates in the book but it’s a keeper. I don’t waste my energy rushing out after Christmas and elbowing other angry shoppers to buy all the gifts I’ll need for next year, but I do pick up a good bargain on standard birthday gift items or seasonal wear and stow it away in our basement until it’s needed. If you are going to need to replace or purchase a big ticket item soon like an appliance or home furnishings, check online to see when you might be able to snag the best deals. Many sites will give recommendations on when stores will push to offload old items to bring in new stock.

9: KEEP A WISH LIST
Ever open a present and think- what on earth is this and how will I ever find an excuse to use it? Yeah, me too. Or find members of your family buying expensive and impulsive last minute gifts that aren’t really what you need or want. Keep a wish list online for each family member- I recommend Amazon which will allow you to compile items from other websites as well into a universal list. That way when Grandma has no idea what your six year old wants for Christmas, you can just forward the link and feel assured your kiddo will get something age appropriate and useful.

10: TRACK YOUR EXPENSES
It’s necessary to keep track of where you are splurging so you know when you need to cut back and how to do so effectively. Although I don’t handle the finances in our family, I’m still shocked by how many people don’t keep their receipts or track their credit card use in anyway. Like many households, we use a computer program called Quicken and do monthly balancing with our bank statements to ensure we know where your money is going. It produces graphs and charts that let us see trends over time and develop plans to cut expenses in advance so if we need to be frugal, we can be sure to be effective instead of frustrated. It’s been especially effective in helping us eat at home more often and spending less on luxury items.

Lastly, I’d recommend becoming a member of a warehouse club like Costco, even if you don’t have a large family. Costco has started to carry many items you can stock up on in abundance including organic foods and personal care products. We save a bundle on items we can freeze like steak, fish and chicken as well as hormone free diary products and eggs. We buy all of our paper products here like paper towels, toilet paper, ziploc bags and more. I’ve gotten amazing bargains on boxed sets of books and toys when Christmas rolls around as long as I’ve committed to shopping early for a good selection. And when it comes to diapers, if you’re willing to buy their generic brand and use monthly coupons to stock up, Costco is the cheapest way to go and the savings are well below Amazon subscribe and save rates and diapers.com. Happy hunting!

In the months leading up to Saffron’s birth, everyone suggested that this endeavor we were embarking on would be… how did they put it? I think they said things like “fun” or “exciting.” Many implied it would be such a gift for Owen to become a big brother and that having another member of our family was just more joy to go around, as if having two multiplied our love. And now that we’re three months into this, I can unequivocally say that this is not a multiplication problem. It is a question of division. I can also say that I think those people were smoking crack. Lots of it.

It’s hard to remember exactly what life was like before Saffron, but I’m certain I didn’t appreciate how easy I had it. And somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew I’d feel this way. Torn between my old life and this strange new world of babyhood, where I sleep half the night and nurse most of the day folded onto a four and a half foot love seat while the world goes on around me. Divided is my time and attention, available only in fragments of my former self. The only thing that seems to have multiplied is laundry and the nagging pressure of guilt at all the moments and opportunities that slip through my hands every day.

I know this is temporary, this problem of division within our lives. That someday soon this baby will need me less so I can be more for all the other people who are patiently awaiting my return to normal life. But the reality of that seems so distant that I try not to consider it at all. It feels too much like false hope. Last night as I was making my way to the stairs with a dozing baby in my arms and Owen ahead of me on his way to bed, he stopped and moved aside to let me pass. “I’ll let you go up first, Mom. You have Saffron and she’s more important than me.” I stopped immediately, looked into his face and assured him that this was not true. “She needs me more right now but that doesn’t make her more important than you,” I explained. He seemed to understand but I know that in the grand scheme of things, actions speak louder than words.

Sadly though you were sick again this month, with a low grade fever and a nasty, persistent cold. I caught it as well and we sniffled, hacked and coughed up mucus together for the two weeks leading up to Christmas. Directly after the holidays you received your first round of immunizations and terrified me with inconsolable crying and a refusal to nurse for several long hours. A dose of ibuprofen to treat the swelling in your poor little puffy red thighs seemed to do wonders though. After 24 hours of unusually frequent napping, you returned to us hungry and jolly.

All of this continued interruption meant I remained imbedded in the couch in your room , cuddling you frequently and feeding you often. Your favorite place to drift off to sleep became my right shoulder , your butt scooted out and your downy little head snuggled into the crook of my neck. This has presented serious problems since not every activity can be done one handed and since you wake immediately when deposited into your bed, like the infamous princess and the pea. The advantage though has been that I feel like the baby whisperer, able to calm and quite you with a touch. You have made it clear though that the touch must be complete and au natural- you’ll accept no carriers or other people as substitutes and you can not be fooled.

You still love to sit in your crib, wriggling and grinning at Grandma through the webcam and staring at your twinkling Christmas lights. How, however, we’ve introduced you to your play gym and lay happily on the floor, laughing manically at the light up star’s goofy face. You’ve also begun to follow the mobile on your swing in it’s rhythmic modulations, enthralled and unable to stop moving your head in an effort to trace’s it’s path across your field of vision.

In unfortunate developments, you’ve suddenly decided you hate taking a bath, throwing out your hands to the side wildly each time I get in with you and doing an excellent imitation of a panicked downing. I gave up and bought a baby bath so you can sit comfortably and feel supported and that seems to have helped. Now you sit in the warm water, sucking your first and staring calmly at me until I finish torturing you.

There are a thousand little quirks that I wish I would always remember about your babyhood, like the ferocity of your yawns. Perhaps my favorite this month is when I am holding you and we descend stairs. You pulse your little fists against me in time with the descent down each step, , sucking in your breath, as if you are terrified I’ll drop you and your are attempting to hang on. I’ve tried to assure you I’ve got a firm grip and have never been known to fumble a baby in my entire life, but you remain unconvinced.

At your 2 month check up, the doctor informed us that your head has suddenly boomed, going straight from the 25% to the 75% percentile in a matter of two weeks. That’s some serious brain development. Your weight still hovers just below ten pounds but you’re growing quickly in the opposite direction, stretching out of all your footed pajamas with a height in the 75% percentile. A tall baby girl with piercingly big blue eyes, curly tea brown hair with glimmers of red and a penchant for foot rubs. That’s our girl!

Christmas Giggles

Saffron's Favorite Spot

Has it really only been one month since your arrival? It seems that you’ve been here for much longer than that, disrupting my sleep and reeking havoc on our lives. I’m relieved that you are finally healthy and each day you awaken a little more to the world around you.

We’ve begun to try to stretch the intervals between your feedings if only to gain some normalcy in our lives. This has been a point of contention for you and you’ve been vocal in your protests, living you to your “Mrs. Waaaahhh!” nickname.

You’re enthralled with your room and the Christmas lights running around the ceiling continue to be a source of wonderment and calm. You’ll crane your neck and wiggle your head to search the ceiling for their twinkling and lay contented on your changing table or in your crib , staring at their soft, yellow glow.

This past weekend I took Owen out for a mommy date so we could both remember what life without your presence felt like and you stayed home with Daddy for the afternoon. This did not go so well. You’ve begun to be quite attached to my presence and refused to take a bottle. This does not bode well for future outings.

I’ve spent weeks camped out on the tiny loveseat in your room, which is unfortunately not as comfortable as it first appears to be. Dozing fitfully with you on my chest, we’ve done our best to keep the contents of your stomach from resurfacing. You’ve continued to gain weight and we’ve been given permission to officially stop worrying but now we have another problem. An unfortunate side effect has become your inability to sleep long stretches (or any stretches!) in your bed and your conviction that sleep can only be attained when attached to a boob. We’re working on that.

Just yesterday, while watching you drift in and out of sleep,I saw you give an enormous grin and then coo and laugh delightedly. It was so adorable that even in my exhausted state I felt lucky to be holding you, staring into your face in the middle of the night.

We’d barely gotten home, myself already exhausted with worry, when it became obvious that you’d caught a cold. Your nasal congestion cut off your airway and made nursing difficult, leaving you choking and sputtering for breath. By Saturday evening, after a late night trip to urgent care, we’d rushed you to the ER, where they tested you for RSV (negative), poked and prodded and then sent you home to suffer through. We spent some terrible hours between steam bath showers, snot sucking and sauna like conditions in your bedroom, before we finally found relief and you began to eat and breath easier.

You’ve nearly fully recovered three days later and have passed into a stage of ferocious hunger. For the past few days I’ve spent three or four hour stretched doing nothing but nursing you almost constantly, allowing you to sleep wormed into the curve of my chest and shoulder, warm and heavy. All this effort has gained you several ounces and a return to good health, at least for now.

There are other notable things this week besides the excitement of illness. Your fascination with your hands continues and you waggle your fingers and clasp them together often, like an evil villianess plotting some sort of mischief. You’ve begun to smile in earnest now, a gummy, lunatic grin and usually unrelated to anythign in particular. The color of the wall or a particularly interesting bit of ceiling seems to be deserving of a good laugh.

Your brother seems to have hit upon an excellent nickname for you that’s really catching on- “Mr.s Waaaaaah!” He calls you that affectionately, mimicking your cries of outrage when you are cold or hungry. Despite our best efforts, both your Dad and I have found the nickname adorably funny and I think you’re stuck with it.
My best laid plans to put you on a schedule and get you to sleep in your own bed have been thwarted by all the drama and I hope that next week will bring calm and rest for the both of us.

Big Brother

]]> http://www.geokaz.com/2011/11/21/saffrons-stories-week-3/feed/ 0 http://www.geokaz.com/2011/11/14/saffrons-stories-week-two/ http://www.geokaz.com/2011/11/14/saffrons-stories-week-two/#comments Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:31:20 +0000 Kaz http://www.geokaz.com/?p=41

Saffron Anne Weida

Now that your umbilical cord has fallen out this week, we’ve had the opportunity to discover your love of water. When lowered and submerged into the bath, you are apparently transported to baby nirvana. You kick your legs out, relax your head back and open your eyes wide, serenely gazing into the distance. You cry only when removed into the cruel, dry, cold air.

Everyday you are awakening a bit more to your surroundings, beginning to smile and coo in recognition. Although you are still capable of sleeping through the most surprising inconveniences (translates into running a vacuum next to your crib during nap). Recently you slept six and a half hours straight through at night. On a recent shopping outing, I visited no less than 8 stores in 3 hours. You never even lifted an eyelid to inquire about the situation from your infant seat.

You still howl like a banshee at the outrage of being naked though. And you naturally still sleep best in our bed, nestled in my arms and snug under a pile of blankets. You’ve also begun to demonstrate a talent for spitting up large amounts, one of your brother’s most notable traits as a baby. I think you may even give him a run for his money in the volume department.

Tomorrow we’ll visit the doctor to ensure we’re fattening you up like a holiday turkey. I certainly hope he’ll give his approval since I’ve begun to feel like my sole purpose in life is akin to being a dairy cow. Sleep, nurse, rinse, repeat. It’s a good thing I have plenty of practice living life one handed from when your brother was a baby. It’s like having a disability where your butt has been super glued to the nursing couch and you can only use one hand at a time to function in the world. Ready, set, go! But I’m willing to make the sacrifice since the thought of you languishing into skinny malnutrition leaves me terrified. Once we have a green light to try to resume normal life where I’m not nursing one out of every two hours, then we’ll work on transitioning you into your own room and your own crib, to sleep perchance to dream.

All this sleeping has your father and I flabbergasted and worried. It seems so strange to cart you around the house snoring while life in its noisy chaos carries on without you. This sleepy, good natured baby is not what we were expecting. In your few waking hours you are difficult to engage and only in the last few days has the milk film and haze dissolved from your piercingly blue eyes. You often seem unable to focus those luminous pools on anything substantial beyond light and shadow. But you seem to know my voice and certain the smell of my skin. When I near you, you turn your head instinctively and begin to root, sticking out your tongue and wiggling your head.

You are a champion eater and thus a champion pooper. Your talent for noisily filling a diaper and peeing exactly when the diaper is removed is rather unladylike and something I hope you grow out of. You’ve also got the most ferocious yawn, like a little lion about to devour something, always concluding w3ith a vigorous shake of your head.

We’ve noticed, perhaps because your head is so tiny, that you’ve got decent control and can turn and lift it surprisingly well for a newborn. As we had begun to suspect from your ultrasounds, you’ve got a serious love affair with your hands and those slender, pointy fingers. You’re already adept at using them to draw things toward your mouth and you keep them folded on your chest or clutched near your mouth when sleeping. Your favorite thing is to hold hands when drifting off to sleep currently, which is rather adorable.

Little Love

Also falling under the perpetually cute category are those little mewing sounds you make when you are asleep , faint like a little kitten. And when we stroke your cheek near the crease of your neck and ear, you giggle and grin as if it tickles. I’ve gotten into the habit of calling you “little love” and it seems to suit your sleepy, cuddly self.

At your three day check in they expressed concern at your weight loss since birth so this first week we’ve kept you in our bed right by my side, eating every hour and a half. I’m sure I’ll regret it later but for now I feel comforted to simply be with you. To know you’re safe and warm and full.